Breathe. Think. Flow.
We teach this simple model for living well, and it has become our go-to framework for running our own businesses and lives. The 3-step process emerged over years of noticing what worked for us as we researched a huge range of body-mind-spirit and elevated consciousness models, sharing our perspectives through books and an installation.
As a managers of country cottages, we sometimes face unsatisfied customers. But not in a shop in town; in our own cottage on our property. This makes it personal. The thought, effort and time we invest to make the cottages as wonderful as we can also makes it feel very personal. The gig economy has put many of us into this situation, using our own resources to serve others, for money, but also for public reviews, which can sting when the same place or service seemed so fabulous to one guest and so awful to the next.
We’ve had all sorts of complaints: dirt, a spider (by an arachnophobe), poor wifi, poor location, the public road not being good enough (!). Some are valid and within our control to improve, others are not, and still others are more about guest expectations than our offering.
I used to get so upset with bad reviews. One day, Tom pointed out that my upset and anger would never be seen by the guest, only by him, which wasn’t much good for us. That emotional realisation was the beginning of a new way of managing the rentals. Five distinct steps emerged:
Step 1 – Set your parameters
Step 2 – Remember to breathe
Step 3 – Stand up for yourself – politely
Step 4 – Be Compassionate
Step 5 – Let go. Move on.
Step 1 – Set your parameters
This took some teasing out, but once it became clear, it was surprisingly simple.
*We’re a team. Now that we work as a team, we have the stability, support, and creative juice that comes with teamwork. It gives us a strong grounding to respond to guests.
*We are clear on our USP: We offer nature, countryside, peace, privacy, clean cottage, good bed linen, comfort. We are not a 5-star fully serviced hotel!
*House rules are clear and well explained, so they are easy to enforce.
Step 2 – Remember to breathe
There will always be difficult moments – in business and in life. A deep breath or 3 helps to re-set the nervous system, and gives us a chance to remember our parameters and to proceed in a reasonable way.
Step 3 – Stand up for yourself – politely
I no longer do favours for guests. This may sound harsh, but most guests don’t ask for favours. Those that do are very often the ones with inappropriate expectations. My experience has been that no matter how much I bend over backwards for a certain type of person, they find a problem and complain, and leave a poor review. Instead, I hear them out, and help manage their expectations.
Here’s where the gig economy shows its two faces: The platform has made renting cottages much easier. But I risk poor reviews by standing my ground sometimes, and because we rent for longer stays, it can take months to recuperate our rating from a single bad review. Airbnb has “Superhosts”, people whose ratings are 4.8 or above within a 3 month period. I’ve lost (and eventually regained) my superhost status several times. Losing superhost status can be painful, as it is a distinct advantage to be a superhost, mostly because of Airbnb responds much more quickly to superhosts. But I simply accept good with the bad now, and feel more grounded – more able to stand my ground – with guests.
Language matters. Using neutral language like “It’s unfortunate that the wifi line is broken” rather than immediately and personally taking blame, like “I’m so sorry the wifi isn’t working” is subtle but helpful. The first phrase acknowledges the problem and opens up the chance to say, “I will contact the internet service provider.” The second phrase takes blame, so no matter how quickly the internet guys fix the line, the whole problem is perceived as being my fault in the guest’s mind (and in mine, because if that’s how I said it, that’s how I thought it).
Step 4 – Be Compassionate
We all have emotional baggage. And most people aren’t out to get you. They just have misplaced expectations, or a chip on their shoulder, or a genuine fear of something – failure, death, spiders…
Much like forgiveness, compassion isn’t as altruistic as it might seem. If you are in that state of mind – forgiving, kind, compassionate – you’ll find that your own nervous system benefits, your outlook shifts, and those around you who matter most benefit from your positive vibes.
Step 5 – Let go. Move on.
Now, when a troublesome guest leaves, I open all the windows and doors to really air the place out, and let go of the negative energy. It’s both a literal and figurative letting go. I focus on the next guest coming in, and feel happy to prepare the cottage to the highest standard that I can.
As the ancient sages and modern bio-neuroscientists tell us, life is a mind game. We can choose our perspective. We can cultivate a growth mindset. We can visualise our outcomes, and create change.
It requires self-awareness, expanding our options, and letting go of everything we don’t need to make room for something better. In other words, breathe, think, flow.
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