There is no atonement for killing.

So the gander killed the hen and I killed the gander.

He had been marked for some days.

He had a mean look and was the loudest to hiss. I couldn’t tell him from the other geese easily.  So finally I marked the one I thought most aggressive.  And over the next 24 hours it was the one to hiss the most.

I had nearly brought the hen back after a mean beating.  She was nearly dead and could barely move.  Its crown was bloodied and its eyes had been brutalised – maybe pecked out.  But with some care and protection she was back on to the mend.  Dave had advised salted warm water.  It worked a charm and she was nearly able to see.  So she tried to get water from the stream.  And the goose attacked.

I heard the screams but could not run because I was straddling timbers on the broken roof.  When I finally arrived, she was dead floating in the stream.  He was squawking above her.

I gave chase.  He tired sooner than I.

I could not face the killing and switched my mind to crazy, shouted sorry and throttled the goose.  It took longer than I expect or was prepared for.  At least a minute.  I could not look him in the eye.  My heart was pounding.  I knew it was wrong, but I had to do it.  Finally I managed to break the neck.

I put my coat over him and walked in a daze back to pick the hen from the stream.  By now the boys had arrved to find out about my shouting.  The hens beak had been pecked off and feathers clogged the stream.  We cleaned up and removed the dead bodies.

There is no atonement for killing.  I felt the life of the creature in my hands and I extinguished it.  That is unacceptable behaviour.  I am a human.  I can do better.  It is my responsibility to find a better way.  I took a short cut.  the garden will be quieter and safer for teh other birds.  But that could have been achieved without the second murder.