It’s a weird idea, but something about disavowed and yearning had some truth in it.
Sometimes you wonder if celebrities and successful people are happy. Sometimes it is easy to wonder if it is possible to have friends when someone is so popular or attractive. Life must be intense. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to imagine that all that hard work might cover up a deep yearning for something desired, but can never admit you want, especially if it’s unobtainable … like your youth back.
So here’s what Dr Mark Goulson says (from the Huffington Post):
The “Syndrome of Disavowed Yearning.”
They often come from parents where their dad was too busy with his job or career and their mother lacked warmth. Often these were not bad parents. The dad was worried about earning a living and so was focused more on his boss or his customers and clients than his family. The mom came from a mother who also lacked warmth (it was often a condition passed on for generations).
In the ideal situation, a child feels solid from the inside out because there is warmth to comfort them when they are hurt or afraid or just plain lonely. They benefit from “you can do it” guidance, support and coaching that can lead to confidence and courage.
If these elements are missing, that child’s personality discovers that instead of feeling the pain from the lack of warmth and enthusiastic support, it hurts less if you disavow needing either.
In the people who become high achievers, they sublimate an aching yearning into accomplishing things. If you’re like them, even if that doesn’t fill you up from the inside out, the conditional grin of approval for what you do, instead of the love and celebration for who you are, can certainly distract you from the yearning. However, as great a way as that is to cope, down deep something at your core feels false. And after many years of accomplishments, those grins of conditional love and approval wear thin and you can feel empty.
Goulston then talks about the kind of person that has been able to get a bigger perspective and see themselves. And love.
Huffington Post: Why Many High Achievers Feel Unfulfilled: The Syndrome of Disavowed Yearning
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